NO MORE ET IAZ.
NO MORE OF THE WORDS I NEVER SAID.
NO MORE OF THE FEELINGS I ALWAYS HIDE.
NO MORE OF THE PAIN I SUFFER.
AND
NO MORE OF THE FANTASY I LIVED IN FOR SO LONG.
I've killed myself. I've killed the purpose of my existence. I've lost my way. All the credit goes to ETI.
Some people just don't deserve us. They just don't care and they just don't consider. Then why we should suffer? Why we kill ourselves? Why we care for those who don't even give a ******* rotten damn for us?
Kuch laug is qabil hi naheen hotay kay woh woh pain jo un kay liey hi hai - Mumtax Mufti
The same is the case.
But now ...
I've to kill every thing.
I've to kill every single pain I've sufer on this long road to salvation.
I've to kill every memory.
I've to kill the past.
12 July 2005
I don't even have MS WORD anymore on this dabba o' mine. I hate wrong spellings and typos and one of the best thing about MS WORD is those red curly line you get when you commit a typo.
HA!
No more MS WORD.
I'm missing my old hard disk. I know that the loss of MS OFFICE is not worth-mourning as I only have to reinstall it. But you know, I know and we all know that I'm too lazy to sit in front of the PC waiting for the long process of re-installation to get completed.
Chalnay do jaisa bhi chal raha hai.
OMG! I smell rain.If only you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll go in the balcony to check whether its raining or not.
WOW! Such an exotic scene. Wet streets, gold street lights, the solitude and the silence. WOW! Even KHI can look breathtakingly gorgeous at times. Al Hamd o' Lillah.
This reminds me of ................
I've a confession to make.
I've make another promise to the inner Iqra.
I'm going to forget / ignore / remain indifferent towards (OMG! STOP LYING IQRA! YOU PRB!) ETI.
You bet I'll do that!
I've reasons to do that. Today something happened in the class. We were playing a too-hot-for-early-teens&kids-but-too-damn-boring-for-me-since-I'm-going-to-be-19-this-year game. Frankly speaking, it was extremely stupid!
But we did play that stupid LOVE CALCULATOR game and .... Don't ask me. I don't know why people keep interfering in things. Things in which they're simply not needed and not welcomed at all. It's so damn wrong. They ain't suppose to say / do anything which can hurt someone. I mean I wasn't hurt but ..... BS. LEAVE.
I don't even give a ******* ****** damn for others. I give a **** for their idiotic perceptions and their ideas and their sick mentality.
I'm the way I'm and I'll remain the way I'm.
I think even for ETI, I can't change myself. No matter how hard I try (or may be I don't try at all) I keep . . . . .
WHY?
WHY IT KEEPS RECURRING?
WHY CAN'T THESE GHOSTS STOP HAUNTING ME?
WHY CAN'T ETI BLOW THESE LITTLE CANDLES OF HOPE FOR ME?
WHY CAN'T THINGS BE THE WAY WE WANT 'EM TO BE?
WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO TO THE P W L A T H T GD B T?
WHY CAN'T LIFE-A PRB ACT DECENTLY?
WHY CAN'T I JUST REMAIN SHUT IN MY SHELL OF SOLITUDE AND PESSIMISM AND MISANTHROPISM?
I THINK I HATE THIS WORLD
I THINK I HATE MYSELF
I THINK NO MATTER HARD I TRY, ETI IS GOING TO HAUNT ME FOREVER.
jo bhi milta hai, hum hi say gila karta hai
koi tu soorat- e -halat khudara janay
dost ahbab tu rah rah k galay miltay hein
kis nay khanjur meray seenay mein utara janay
kis ko batlain kay aashob-e-muhaabat kia hai
jis pay guxree ho wohi haal humara janay
tujh say barh kay bhi nadaan na ho ga aey Farax
dushman-e-jaan ko bhi tu jaan say piyara jaanay
~~~~~~~~ Ahmed Farax ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HA!
No more MS WORD.
I'm missing my old hard disk. I know that the loss of MS OFFICE is not worth-mourning as I only have to reinstall it. But you know, I know and we all know that I'm too lazy to sit in front of the PC waiting for the long process of re-installation to get completed.
Chalnay do jaisa bhi chal raha hai.
OMG! I smell rain.If only you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll go in the balcony to check whether its raining or not.
WOW! Such an exotic scene. Wet streets, gold street lights, the solitude and the silence. WOW! Even KHI can look breathtakingly gorgeous at times. Al Hamd o' Lillah.
This reminds me of ................
I've a confession to make.
I've make another promise to the inner Iqra.
I'm going to forget / ignore / remain indifferent towards (OMG! STOP LYING IQRA! YOU PRB!) ETI.
You bet I'll do that!
I've reasons to do that. Today something happened in the class. We were playing a too-hot-for-early-teens&kids-but-too-damn-boring-for-me-since-I'm-going-to-be-19-this-year game. Frankly speaking, it was extremely stupid!
But we did play that stupid LOVE CALCULATOR game and .... Don't ask me. I don't know why people keep interfering in things. Things in which they're simply not needed and not welcomed at all. It's so damn wrong. They ain't suppose to say / do anything which can hurt someone. I mean I wasn't hurt but ..... BS. LEAVE.
I don't even give a ******* ****** damn for others. I give a **** for their idiotic perceptions and their ideas and their sick mentality.
I'm the way I'm and I'll remain the way I'm.
I think even for ETI, I can't change myself. No matter how hard I try (or may be I don't try at all) I keep . . . . .
WHY?
WHY IT KEEPS RECURRING?
WHY CAN'T THESE GHOSTS STOP HAUNTING ME?
WHY CAN'T ETI BLOW THESE LITTLE CANDLES OF HOPE FOR ME?
WHY CAN'T THINGS BE THE WAY WE WANT 'EM TO BE?
WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO TO THE P W L A T H T GD B T?
WHY CAN'T LIFE-A PRB ACT DECENTLY?
WHY CAN'T I JUST REMAIN SHUT IN MY SHELL OF SOLITUDE AND PESSIMISM AND MISANTHROPISM?
I THINK I HATE THIS WORLD
I THINK I HATE MYSELF
I THINK NO MATTER HARD I TRY, ETI IS GOING TO HAUNT ME FOREVER.
jo bhi milta hai, hum hi say gila karta hai
koi tu soorat- e -halat khudara janay
dost ahbab tu rah rah k galay miltay hein
kis nay khanjur meray seenay mein utara janay
kis ko batlain kay aashob-e-muhaabat kia hai
jis pay guxree ho wohi haal humara janay
tujh say barh kay bhi nadaan na ho ga aey Farax
dushman-e-jaan ko bhi tu jaan say piyara jaanay
~~~~~~~~ Ahmed Farax ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YESTERDAY:
11 July 2005.
The hectic day.
Tiring one.
Exhausting but proved to be fun in the end day.
Yesterday millions of burdens were removed from my naxuk shoulders. I did get my examination form submitted (all by myself!). The trip to ICAP was fun (on the whole, I experience various rides in 5 different buses!!!)
Kher. Kaam ho gaya Allah ka shuker hai. Then when I reached home after spending a 12 hour day outside, I was so tired that I wanted to go to bed with my uniform on. But mom told me about repeated calls from S inviting me to the wedding about which I was absolutely not sure whether I'll be going or not. Then I consider it for a moment and then decided to attend the wedding since S has come all the way from ISB and it has been ages since I've met her.
So I decided to go for my Navy Blue outfit and did my smoky eyes makeover and left for the venue at 10:30.
It was fun!
Had I not been there, I would have missed the fun. S was looking awesome so was her sis (and so was I! Dadoo and every one at home said that :-P) , the dinner was awesome too and above all, seeing S after 1 1/2 year was simply great.
I reached home at 2:30. IMAGINE! Today the first class was scheduled at 08:00 with the guy-who-thinks-himself-the-best-thing-ever-sent-on-this-planet (read SZ) !!!
TODAY:
Thankfully I reached on time (15 minutes earlier, being exact) and attended the 3 sessions out of which the last one was attended by LITERALLY sleeping in the class in front of ST.
I SWEAR!
I DO SWEAR that I was sleeping and right now I don't even remember what he said in the lecture.
TOOO TOOO TOOO EMBARRASSING, ButI just couldn't help that. My eyes were so heavy and puffy that .......... HA!
Even F noticed me from the other end of the class room and later pointed that I'd been sleeping,
SO VERY IDIOTIC OF ME.
Kher jo hona tha so ho gya,. Besides, kuch or bhi hoa aaj. I've passed the long-ago Tax's quiz. It was back in May I think but I just got 50% marks and somehow passed!!!
S
T
R
A
N
G
E
!
I'm still shocked so as to how it happened? Kher, Allah ka shuker hai. Ixxat rah gai class mein.
Basically I think .... OH NO! I've to leave. I'll continue later.
11 July 2005.
The hectic day.
Tiring one.
Exhausting but proved to be fun in the end day.
Yesterday millions of burdens were removed from my naxuk shoulders. I did get my examination form submitted (all by myself!). The trip to ICAP was fun (on the whole, I experience various rides in 5 different buses!!!)
Kher. Kaam ho gaya Allah ka shuker hai. Then when I reached home after spending a 12 hour day outside, I was so tired that I wanted to go to bed with my uniform on. But mom told me about repeated calls from S inviting me to the wedding about which I was absolutely not sure whether I'll be going or not. Then I consider it for a moment and then decided to attend the wedding since S has come all the way from ISB and it has been ages since I've met her.
So I decided to go for my Navy Blue outfit and did my smoky eyes makeover and left for the venue at 10:30.
It was fun!
Had I not been there, I would have missed the fun. S was looking awesome so was her sis (and so was I! Dadoo and every one at home said that :-P) , the dinner was awesome too and above all, seeing S after 1 1/2 year was simply great.
I reached home at 2:30. IMAGINE! Today the first class was scheduled at 08:00 with the guy-who-thinks-himself-the-best-thing-ever-sent-on-this-planet (read SZ) !!!
TODAY:
Thankfully I reached on time (15 minutes earlier, being exact) and attended the 3 sessions out of which the last one was attended by LITERALLY sleeping in the class in front of ST.
I SWEAR!
I DO SWEAR that I was sleeping and right now I don't even remember what he said in the lecture.
TOOO TOOO TOOO EMBARRASSING, ButI just couldn't help that. My eyes were so heavy and puffy that .......... HA!
Even F noticed me from the other end of the class room and later pointed that I'd been sleeping,
SO VERY IDIOTIC OF ME.
Kher jo hona tha so ho gya,. Besides, kuch or bhi hoa aaj. I've passed the long-ago Tax's quiz. It was back in May I think but I just got 50% marks and somehow passed!!!
S
T
R
A
N
G
E
!
I'm still shocked so as to how it happened? Kher, Allah ka shuker hai. Ixxat rah gai class mein.
This reminds me of my BC teacher. SM. The BEST-EST of all the best-est teachers I've ever come across with. I'm not praising her only because of the FACT that she keeps saying all the nice things about me but she is really a good teacher. And yes :-P as a matter of fact, these days I'm being tareefi-fied a lot in the BC class. Thanks to Allah Mian. SM keeps giving awesome remarks on my practical work. WELL DONE, WELL COMPOSED, KEEP IT UP etc etc etc.
Basically I think .... OH NO! I've to leave. I'll continue later.
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