Why am I doing this to myself? I've to face it all: face it all and face it all alone. I don't need anyone to be there for me. I'm okay and I'm all by myself. Why should I long for someone? I can be there for myself. I fucking am bloody enough to console myself. Let the bloody others go to rotten hell. Why should I love others when all others out there consider me a disgrace? Why should I care for others when no one gives a fucking rotten damn for me?
I'm simply stunned right now. Not in the wildest of my dreams I've imagined that people can be this indifferent. THIS IS THE BLOODY HEIGHT OF INDIFFERENCE. This alone has shattered my very existence. I've doubts that I want to live naymore. LIVE. What the fuck! It is purely rotten crap. LIVE ? WHY LIVE? FOR WHOM TO LIVE? Never ever before I've understand the term LONELINESS before. Never. Never ever I've managed to understand why people commit suicides.
That's exactly what has happened with me. A temporary (YES! I admit. I was prepared to accept is as temporary) obstacle on my way and a routine failure has shown it all to me. It has dawned on me how fucking wrong I was to illusionised people and made stunningly wrong perceptions about them.It has shown me the love and care people around me have for me.It has shown me the magnitude of importance I've. No matter how harsh and brutal, the failure has fucking enlightened me.I'm not mourning my failure. I was strong and determined enough to bear that failure. Im mourning my shattered existence, my shattered trust and my shattered soul. I'm crying not over my failure but over myself.I'm rational enough to accept failures as a part of life. But I'm not hard and strong to bear peoples' indifference.
